


Cool Balls, Benson

by ishiphappy



Series: Bad Bang [1]
Category: Regular Show
Genre: Alternate Universe - Secret Pot Farm, Capybara!Rigby, Cool!Benson, Crack Fic, Crossover, Deliberate Badfic, M/M, Pre-Slash, Prompt Fill, Recreational Drug Use, Species Swap, Stoner!Benson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-23
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-19 05:23:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3597948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ishiphappy/pseuds/ishiphappy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Benson is cool blah blah blah omfg dr phil is a hawty blah blah blah pot farm blah blah blah lizards are involved</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cool Balls, Benson

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Healy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Healy/gifts).



> For Bad Bang IV - 2k15  
> For Healy  
> For Benson and his cool balls

“Benson- a man with a plan, with one fairly attractive hand, that smells bad and should wear a sweatband.” Rigby the Capybara went on.

 

Just than Benson walked by, as swift and sexy as always.

 

“Rigby the crappy-bara get back to work!”

 

“Oh! C’mon Benson!”

 

“No- you can either harvest in Secret Greenhouse Three or you can pick out the seed and stems in the basement!” Benson yelled in that lustrous voice- such a cool lustrous voice. Then he started humming Colt 45 sang by Cool & Classy. Or should I say by Benson.

 

...seeds and stems / Feelin’ high as hell flyin' through Palmdale / Skatin' on dayton rims…

 

Benson, the cool boss, then went on to finish his rounds, everyone being eternally grateful to the fact they got to be near him at least this one last time.

 

Suddenly there was a big flaming thing being hurled at him- oh fuck.

 

It was all okay though because High (hehe) Five Ghost was all about risking himself for his sexy boss that could /totally/ pull off wearing sunglasses inside.

 

Oh wait, he is just a ghost.

 

The giant flaming thing went right through him, and shattered Benson, leaving his gumballs thoroughly exposed. Muscle Man was sad, everyone cried. Then these FBI agents came to investigate after the cops did. It was odd- FBI. Fuck the what? They did all they could so that the cops wouldn’t find the Secret Pot Farm, but apparently they did. Then when they were all getting interviewed individually by Agent Angus and Agent Young, they knew something was up. They did not ask them about the pot at all- just if Bendon had any dead enemies. If the lights had been flickering. It was all very odd. Very odd indeed. Eventually the agents left after throwing salt at High Five Ghost. Later that night he burnt up in flames. It was very less sad, people very less cried. This was because Benson so just so /fucking/ cool.

 

Then something else happened- Benson was vengeful, and mad. So mad he almost lost his chill, his spirit had not quite left yet, he was avoiding his reaper. Then when he saw those twats repping the name of that guy from AC/DC burn up High Five Ghost, he turn dark. Dun dun duuuuuunn. His savory savior was /murdered/. He was /upset/.

 

He followed the youthful and the beefy out of town, and rode with them, watched them kill, and as time went by he figured out how to touch material objects, posses baby squirrels, the works. He decided to act fast. He only had about 30 days altogether since the youthful one and the beefy one came to town until he was gone. Benson had heard through the grapevine, or should I say raisin vine, all the other ghosts were pruny and old and wrinkly. A lot less cool than Benson. He heard that ghosts and vengeful spirits and what not were tied to bodies or things they held dear. The agents had smoked his pot, thats what kept him tied to them. 30 days and they could pass a drug test. He already felt himself fading off with his THC. The ‘agents’ would have to go /now/.

 

Benson plotted and planned but overall just looked cool and got jealous gawks from other ghosts.

 

Suddenly There was a demon on his tail. /Demons/ are real too? What the fuck man!?

 

“Hello, I’m known in the human world as Dr. Phil.” Benson looked closer and saw the suit of flesh Phil was wearing. Benson may or may not have watched that show. You will never know, because cool cats do not disclose things about themselves.

 

“What do you want?” Cool cats also act like how ever he was acting by saying that. He defined cool cats.

 

“A deal.” Phil smirked

 

“shoot.”

 

“Well, I see you have the balls for a tough one, so...” Phil said sexualy, damn, Phil was hot. “Kill the Winchester.”

 

“Who ever that is no- I’m working on Angus Young over here.”

 

“Crowley said you had been tracking them, not some pop star…” Phil muddled.

 

“Pop Star?, agents Angus and Young are no pop stars, they hunt ‘monsters’, like you and me.” Benson put up the quotes where appropriate. He is a ghost, but still slick enough to use air quotes. Air quotes rock. Rock when his cool balls used them.

 

“Oh, well… so their real names are Dean and Sam Winchester.”

 

“Oh.” Benson’s eyes popped out of his gum ball machine. “So their a thing….?” He inquired.

 

“No, brothers, though there is some talk, we take bets downstairs about what happens…. downstairs.” Phil laughed at his own joke.

 

Benson just looked at him coolly though. By coolly I mean real cool, not coolly as in cold.

 

“Some bet on this angel thats /obsessed/ with Dean, I personally think Castiel will win Dean, the whole #wincest thing is alittle out there for me…” Phil went on about slashes while Benson was gawking, cool gawking, at, um….. /angels/! For fucking real? He knew /angles/ were real, but a fucking /angel/!?

 

“Anyway, kill the Winchesters and Crowley, the King of Hell, will give you one anything you want.” Phil finished

 

“Fine” Benson said super cool like.

 

“We must seal the deal with a kiss” Phil wiggled his eyebrows as he said it sensually.

 

Benson kissed him like the cool cat he was, but when he opened his eyes Phil was gone.

 

Suddenly the motel door opened.

 

“I’m telling you Sammy, this spell will be worth it.”

 

“Fine, whatever I’ll do it!”

 

Minutes later the spell was set up and half way through. Latin was being chanted a match was about to be lit.

 

Then there was Sock Sowachowski

 

“Must I do this all on my own? Benson!”

 

Sock waved an arm and the spell materials went all over the place. It was cool though, because Benson was there and someone said his cool name.

 

“And who are you?” Benson said like the cool boss he was- he missed the cool boss days.

 

“Sock Sowachowski!, the /deamon/!”

 

“Not another one!” Benson shouted and then looked up, “At least send me-” He coolly realized he should be looking down, even though he looked pretty cool looking up. Oh, look, he looked cooler looking down. “-the hot one!”

 

“That spell was to clean the THC out of their bodies!” Socks yelled less cool at the more cool Benson.

“Sock, why don’t you go ask your boyfriend to alphabetize all the ways I could kill you instead of talking to yourself!” Dean yelled

 

“Benson, reveal yourself.” Sock commanded the coolest commander

 

“Benson?” Sam questioned

 

“You know this guy Sammy?” Dean asked

 

“Dean- we /just/ investigated his murder!” Sam huffed out

 

Suddenly a hole ripped open and Ryan Gosling killed everyone by trying to explain how the fuck Finnish worked.

 

Fin.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> haha- there were no lizards 
> 
> Healy is probably cooler than Benson 
> 
> same as always- Meow <3- gimme kudos bruh, and comments bruh, and bruh, bruh  
> Ishiphappy.tumblr.com


End file.
